Ugh. These posts are always so hard. But I realized that doors shut sometimes, and sometimes not for always, and other doors open, and this is a part of the wonderful, blessed life we live whether we’re under Christ or not.
When we live it with Him though, we’re fortunate to be able to draw from His peace, joy, and strength when we have none of our own. And we have His example to follow as we learn to accept and cherish what is, have gratitude for what was, and look hopefully to what will.
For me, that right now, covers my Tuesday night Jesus + Yoga class at Cornerstone Chapel.
I have certainly cherished every moment that I have stepped onto my mat with so many beautiful hearts to share my love for worshiping the name of Jesus, the reading of His Word, and using yoga to embody faith.
As fall loomed ahead, knowing two of my kids are heading into sports after school, with such a little guy at home growing up so fast, and with a husband I love and appreciate and want to spend time with, my schedule was starting to look super hectic – which for us, is not a healthy way to live.
And it’s funny, the way the Spirit whispers to us, and sort of leans into us to direct our steps sometimes.
Before I even realized any of this about our schedule, I was ready to start class one Tuesday evening, and as I stepped onto my mat, I was overwhelmed with a sense of… I’m not sure how to describe it. It wasn’t quite unwelcome, but I felt like I wouldn’t be there long. And that made me sad, so I resisted. I totally ignored it, assuming it was just then imposter syndrome that rails against me as a leader often. But it wasn’t that. It was something different.
Surely enough, as stuff began to pick up for my family, and we were getting busier and busier, it was becoming more and more evident that Tuesday nights were specifically hard. Once I sat down to really think about it, I could see them only getting progressively more complicated as time goes on. Managing the schedules of three kids, two of whom you co-parent with two different people in two different cities, as well as managing the schedule of us as a family – it’s like a whole separate person, when you have two kids out of the house to be with other parents a few nights a week, to manage the time of the complete family as well. And I just wrestled with like, what am I going to do?!
But in the end, it’s an easy choice: I swore my family wouldn’t play second fiddle, and so they won’t. It’s more important for me to be in the stands at games, and tucking them in as many nights as possible, because there’s only so many. Someday, there won’t be any babies to rock, toddlers to snuggle, and kids to remind that there’s no television before bed on school nights. And once that part of life is over, I still won’t teach classes every night! Because my husband works w regular 9-5 and I still want to see him, too! Haha!
As I logistically was coming to this conclusion, it was brought to my attention that some changes would need to be made to my class beyond what was already made a few weeks ago. Another name change might be needed (to avoid stirring up trouble), we may need a new room to work in, and some other things.
And since I’ve sat with this for a few days now, I’m beginning to see where the Spirit whispered to me that one day in class. And when I ignored it, that is when the Spirit leaned into me to push me in the direction I needed to go. God has given me my Holy Yoga certification as a means to share His love and the gospel through the modality of yoga, sure, but not at the expense of showing that same love and sharing that same gospel with my family.
So, Cornerstone yogis, hear me. You all are so beautiful and so amazing. I have had nothing but an absolutely divine experience being able to share in this practice of Holy Yoga with each of you. Whether there were three of us or 25 of us, the energy has always been that of grace. Each of you has blessed me so much with your presence and your practice. I’m proud of those of you who have grown so much physically and spiritually alongside my own. When I say it’s been one of my greatest bleasures of my life to worship the Lord with you all, I mean it!
My only regret is not realizing this sooner because the way it sits now, we don’t get to have a proper send off! I wish we could have one big celebration to wrap up a wonderful year of yoga, but it’s just not in the cards, and I’m making peace with that. I hope you’ll forgive me for that, because I wish I could give it to you all so much! I can only hope that after we round the corner of the new year, the door to teach at church will re-open and we can all reunite to commune and flow and live and move and have our being together in Christ. I will certainly keep you all posted!
Also, I lament in not being able to finish our ‘Om’ series! I will be publishing all of my thoughts and research on that this week so check back Thursday!
And last but not least, thank you to Pastors Mark and Deb who saw in me what others had not, and have given me the chance to be a member of their church and a leader of this small group. Truthfully, I do not have words to express the healing work Jesus has offered to me in this one act alone, nor am I able to adequately express my gratitude. I have the deepest appreciation for this opportunity to serve the Lord alongside you. Thank you so much.