I think one of the biggest things that Holy Yoga training has exposed in me, and probably the deepest area of growth the Lord is working in me right now and through this process in particular, is my inability to focus on the process and not the product.
There are so many things I can point to where He’s been speaking that to me and into my heart about this. Today, I’m just trying to get caught up on my podcasts, and Jeff & Alyssa Bethke do a podcast called Love that Lasts. In the episode titled, ‘Why Everyone Needs a Creative Outlet,’ Alyssa talks about taking up painting and her struggle with almost fearing it because she has these expectations and hopes of being amazing at it or turning these hobbies into a money-making venture of some kind, and why those things aren’t or shouldn’t ultimately be the goal. Check it out.
But Jeff said this thing about focusing on and making the PROCESS itself the goal, rather than the product that process produces.
And like a baker kneads dough, hearing that was just like God was kneading this into my heart.
Guys, I need to chill out and be (or ‘be still and know’ – whatever). Do you feel me?
This journey of transitioning from a yoga practitioner to a yoga instructor has given me a very tangible and clearly defined goal: my registration, right? So all of my practice in the last 2-3 months has been about that. Everything yoga related in my life is pushing me toward that goal, and there’s NOTHING wrong with that.
Where I misstep, I think, or where Jesus is like, “hold up, Sam,” is in my always looking toward the future. It’s good to have a goal in mind, and especially with this kind of thing, to think about what you’re going to do once you complete the program. But for a little while, it’s like I was racing toward the finish line so I can LLC, start contacting churches to teach at, build a website, and start booking private lessons, and so on. None of those things are inherently bad, but the problem with that is that I wasn’t soaking up the process that will get me there. I was so focused on where I was going that I was flying through where I was. And there’s so much good to be found here.
There’s so much Jesus to be found here.
And He hasn’t let me forget that.
A few weeks into my training, at a church I was only visiting, a woman turned around during the announcements to tell me that she had a word for me. Until now, I only sort of understood what God was trying to say to me. But she said she saw me in a jail of good intentions, and that the things I was doing were good, but I was striving in my own power unnecessarily because Jesus just wanted me to rest and be with Him. She said Psalm 23 came to mind for her visually, with the Lord calling me to lay down in green pastures.
I didn’t know at the time what specifically that was speaking to, but I didn’t doubt it. So I just prayed and waited for the revelation.
I think it’s come.
A few weeks after that happened, and without yet connecting the dots, I said to my husband that I had this idea sort of but me that I needed to chill the ‘eff’ out about it, because even though it’s good to want to be good and successful at something, and to have a rough idea of what I’m going to do after I finish the program, you have to, have to, HAVE TO go through the process and the practice and the journey and the education to BE good and successful. And that applies to everything – not just yoga.
So, imagine my surprise (not, lol) as I was listening to this podcast today that talked about this exact thing, like I said, just having this worked into and kneaded into my heart and mind. He just keeps putting it in front of me and speaking it to me.
And I think that’s neat.
God’s like “you’re in a process. You’re not successful or great at this yet, but I want to be here with you in this.”
Guys. THE GOD OF THE UNIVERSE WANTS TO SIT WITH US. In the process, and in the journey, and when we’re just students that maybe even suck at whatever we’re learning right now – He just wants to sit down with us and be with us.
Yes, to teach us, but also, just to be with us.
And that’s incredible.